Why Do We Overlook Our Hidden Qualities?

Many people have strengths that are hidden from themselves and others. These strengths might be masked by a weakness, miscalibrated, or undervalued by others.

The Shadow: A Glaring Weakness Closely Connected to Your Strengths

You might have glaring weaknesses closely connected to your strengths, which can make it difficult to recognize your true abilities. Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple, is a great example of this. His rebelliousness and creativity went hand in hand, as did his restlessness and curiosity.

However, his poor hygiene and difficulty getting along with other employees made him less successful in certain roles. A good mentor or coach can help you channel your strengths without letting the shadow run amok. They can help you build guardrails around your weaknesses while preserving the qualities that make you exceptional.

Miscalibrated Strengths: When Your Greatest Weakness is Your Greatest Strength Without Training

Another reason you can’t recognize your strength is that it’s miscalibrated. Your greatest weakness is often your greatest strength without training. For instance, a worrier who catastrophizes about everything might be highly successful, but their anxiety is wrecking their life.

However, what if you have the strength of defensive pessimism, and it’s miscalibrated? Psychologist Julie Norem explains that defensive pessimism is a strategy in which people have low expectations and imagine what could go wrong before an important event. By thinking through worst-case scenarios, they turn anxiety into motivation, prepare thoroughly, and develop plans to avoid problems.

When Strengths Are Undervalued by Others

Maybe you have a strength that isn’t appreciated by the people around you. The problem may not be you. Your environment may be a poor fit. Perhaps you have the strength of woo, which Tom Rath describes as the ability to connect easily with new people and win them over. If your job is primarily administrative, but you love talking to customers or coworkers, you might be told that you’re too distracted and distracting.

However, you might be better suited to a role that rewards woo, such as sales or marketing. Identifying your strengths requires a fresh perspective. You might need a mentor, coach, therapist, or friend with fresh eyes to help you uncover the strengths you take for granted.

Identifying Your Strengths

If you’re keenly aware of your weaknesses but not your strengths, consider taking an assessment such as the VIA Character Strengths Survey or the CliftonStrengths Assessment. But there’s another path I highly recommend. Identify someone who can be your strength-spotter—someone who can see past your weaknesses and identify your strengths.

This person sees not only who you are but who you could become if your strengths were properly harnessed. You could also call this person the encourager. The people who have known you the longest aren’t always the best strength-spotters. Familiarity can make strengths seem ordinary, both to you and your loved ones.

You might need a mentor, coach, therapist, or friend with fresh eyes to help you uncover the strengths you take for granted. It isn’t egotistical to ask someone for help identifying them.