The Allure of Perfectionism

Perfectionism is a seductive force that drives many of us to strive for an unattainable goal. We believe that achieving perfection will bring us happiness, respect, and validation from others. However, this pursuit comes at a steep cost. Perfectionism is not about genuine self-improvement, but rather a compulsive need to be flawless.

Source: cdn2.psychologytoday.com

We often use the word ‘perfect’ in casual conversation, without realizing the weight of its meaning. A waiter may say ‘perfect’ when taking our order, implying that our meal will be flawless. But, in reality, nothing in life is perfect. Our veggie burgers and sweet potato fries may be delicious, but they will never transcend human culinary conditions.

The Draw of Perfectionism

So, what draws us to perfectionism? We believe that achieving perfection will bring us:

• An impervious state of personal worth
• Insulation from judgments of being lethargic or lacking ambition
• A distraction from feeling vulnerable or fragile
• The respect and admiration of others
• The benevolent attention of our parents

We become so focused on achieving perfection that we lose sight of what is truly important. We compromise our capacity to be present, neglect our personal needs, and ignore self-care. As F. Scott Fitzgerald so aptly put it, ‘Show me a hero and I’ll write you a tragedy.’

The Cost of Perfectionism

The overriding cost of perfectionism is that it is an assault upon our humanity. We become driven by heroic aspirations, denying our limits, neglecting our needs, and ignoring self-care. We pretend there’s an ‘arrival’ – a flawless state of being – but this is an illusion. Perfectionism is unattainable, and that’s deeply human.

We become isolated from others, unable to connect with people who are simply being ordinary. We become trapped in a cycle of striving, never satisfied, never at peace. We lose sight of what truly matters: being present, being vulnerable, and being human.

Breaking Free from Perfectionism

So, how do we break free from the grip of perfectionism? We can start by noticing and appreciating our ability to work hard. We can become aware of how demanding we are of ourselves, and the possible losses involved when we’re that demanding. We can take time to grieve our losses, shift our attitude toward work from a place of proving ourselves to a place of loving what we do. We can learn to view perfectionism as a form of compensation, a way of compensating for the diminished care we show ourselves.

We can accept that there’s no ‘arrival’ – no perfect state of being. We can associate with others who have let go of their perfectionistic tendencies, and celebrate life together. By choosing to be an ordinary, non-perfect person, we can find a sense of freedom, ease, and joy. We can live with a light heart, one that lives close to joy, curiosity, awe, and wonder.