A recent report by the United Nations highlights the invisible burden that women bear in managing the mental and emotional labor of their families. This phenomenon, known as the mental load, refers to the never-ending to-do lists, caring for others, managing a household, and delegating tasks. It’s the energy spent thinking about and anticipating needs and tasks, organizing them, and following up to ensure they get done.

Studies have shown that women tend to carry more of the mental load than men, even when they work and are the primary wage earners in the family. The excuse often given by men is that women are better multitaskers, and they are glad to be of help if only the women will tell them what to do. However, this is a catch-22, as delegating tasks is a central part of the mental load. Having to think of what someone else needs to do and tell them in enough detail that they can understand how to get it done is exhausting in and of itself.

The Myth of Multitasking

Leah Ruppanner, a professor of sociology at the University of Melbourne, explains that there is not one form of mental load, but eight different types. While men are taking on more at home, women are still overwhelmingly burdened by this hidden work, which can often result in burnout. The eight forms of mental load are:

• Life organization: planning and organizing daily tasks and routines
• Emotional support: providing emotional support and comfort to family members
• Relationship hygiene: maintaining healthy relationships and communication within the family
• Magic making: creating special moments and traditions for the family
• Dream building: helping family members pursue their interests and passions
• Individual upkeep: taking care of one’s own physical and mental health
• Safety: ensuring the safety and well-being of family members
• Meta-care: thinking about and managing the overall well-being of the family

Ruppanner suggests that women stop thinking that it is their job to keep everyone in the family happy and take responsibility for everyone else’s feelings. The United Nations also recommends that families make the invisible work visible and verbal by talking openly about what needs to get done and what goes into doing it.

Breaking Down the Mental Load

So, what can parents do to start to put an end to this mental load gender gap? One solution is to encourage children, including boys, to learn household tasks and care skills early. This can help to distribute the mental load more evenly within the family. Additionally, planning and discussing needs together can help to prevent burnout and promote a sense of teamwork.

Advocating for better caregiving policies with employers and voting for candidates who support more and better family leave policies and legislation supporting young children and families can also help to alleviate the mental load. By working together, families can break down the invisible burden of the mental load and create a more equitable and sustainable way of managing their daily lives.